how to un-love someone

Author: Maxine Flasher-Duzgunes

Image: Cameron Schiller

First thing, buy a tape measure and extend it lengthwise. This is the new distance you must maintain between you and your unloved.

Go ahead and wipe the glass picture frames clean of your lip stains and be sure the pink wax on your coffee mug is unmet by the milk moustache mouth of a tea drinker, your tea drinker of course.

Write in your journal that you’ve been courting someone else, and make its appearance quite obvious in the bedroom. Elaborate your sentences such that an outside reader would find it unbearable to get past 1st base.

Slowly persuade them to un-see you—as if your lack of visibility might be more flattering than your irritating presence.

Lie about your location; send them on wild goose chases with your contradicting texts; answer them sparingly; leave voicemails suggesting you’re not where you actually are.

Start a conversation like something is supposed to be revealed at the end. And when you reach the end, change the subject so both of you are left hopelessly sidetracked and would rather spend the remainder of the evening alone.

Turn up your thermostat so no one can come up with the excuse that it’s cold enough to cuddle. However, the heat might make you want to take off your clothes, so you just leave altogether.

Convince yourself that the headaches and the heartburn are not worth this person, are only worth yourself, that if you could once fill a book with your love, you can now fill a series with your despair.

Think about when you used to like Cheetos, you’d finish a bag a day. But when that one stale piece entered your mouth, you knew it would be the end of a love.

When you un-love someone, you don’t hate them, you merely reverse your feelings to thus un-relate yourself to this person. And so, your un-relatability becomes the ultimate ender of your affair.

There is no emptiness expected to ensure after the un-loving, because the loving has been packed up in some storage facility that is unreadable, perhaps even forgettable on a map. You do well with the emptiness, a heart that’s been overridden with un-loving, because maybe next time it can be filled with a love that’s never taken away.


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